Parenting is a journey that can be filled with both joys and challenges and when your child faces some major life challenges, that journal often becomes more complex. I am a person in recovery and a parent of a child who has also faced challenges so far in her short life. Watching and helping guide her through these challenges has not been easy, however, it has also been a profound opportunity for growth, connection, and learning.
Embrace Vulnerability
First and foremost, I have had to acknowledge that it’s okay to be vulnerable and to lean into that vulnerability during tough times. Parenting is hard, and when I am also trying to focus on my recovery, it’s vital for me to remember to be gentle with myself. I have had to recognize that I’m often navigating uncharted waters, and it's perfectly normal to feel a mix of emotions. Sharing my feelings with trusted friends, family, professional support, and support groups has lightened the load in the most challenging times.
Prioritize Self-Care
At times it has felt selfish and even impossible to prioritize my self-care and my recovery, however, I have learned the hard way that I can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing self-care has ensured that I can show up for my child. This has meant, among other things, attending therapy sessions, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies that bring my joy. In addition to helping me show up for my daughter, practicing self-care means that I am modeling healthy balance and living for her.
Foster Open Communication
One thing I have learned as a parent is that children can be incredibly perceptive, often sensing when something is wrong. I have worked hard to foster an environment where open communication is encouraged. I let my child know it’s okay to express her feelings about her challenges and my recovery. Age-appropriate conversations have helped normalize her experiences and feelings, strengthening our bond. I believe that she knows she can come to me with those tough conversations and feelings and that means the world to me as a parent.
Model Healthy Coping
I have realized over time that my daughter learns more by watching my actions rather than listening (or not listening) to my words. By modeling resilience and healthy coping strategies, I can teach her how to face some of her challenges head-on. I have shared my own experiences with challenges—without oversharing—and highlight the tools that have helped me cope, whether it’s deep breathing, mindfulness, taking a walk, journaling or leaning on a support network. I know that it has helped my daughter to know that she is not alone in feeling those big feelings and not always knowing what to do with them.
Advocate Advocate Advocate
I have had to be my daughter’s biggest advocate and champion. This has meant countless emails, phone calls, and appointments to help find the appropriate professional help, diagnosis, and medications that work for her. It has meant many school meetings to get the appropriate accommodations. Through all of this, I have had to trust my gut by listening to the needs and wants of my daughter, while also figuring out when to step in and when to let her advocate for herself.
Celebrate Wins
No win is too small. In the face of significant challenges, it's easy to overlook the little victories. We celebrate progress, no matter how minor it may seem. This practice not only boosts morale but also helps us to see that every step forward is meaningful, reinforcing a sense of hope and accomplishment.
Conclusion
Parenting a child through major life challenges while in recovery myself has been demanding, but it has also been an enriching experience filled with lessons and love. By prioritizing self-care, fostering open communication, and modeling healthy coping, we strive to create a nurturing environment where my whole family can thrive – even when it might not always feel that way. The biggest thing I have had to remember is that I am not alone on this journey.
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